At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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