this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
