thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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