A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
