I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
