I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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