so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Enjoy the penises
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
