Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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