so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
