My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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