it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
