Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
