I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
