I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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