I got chris browned last night
Someone shit on the floor
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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