Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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