that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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