real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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