the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
