I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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