i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
