My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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