everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
