Cold hands, warm shart.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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