tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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