how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize