If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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