I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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