I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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