I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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