When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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