Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am naked and annoyed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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