You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
