I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
