After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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