It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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