He is an equal opportunity slut.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
