I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't turn off my feet"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
