I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
