i permit you to call me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
