i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is classic penis vs brain.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
