everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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