your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
