Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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