he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
birth control should be required to get into college
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
