fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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