I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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