Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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