In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
