I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
