I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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