I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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