My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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