do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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