I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
