So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize