guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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