That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
