He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize