He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
