I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
