he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
