Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
