areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your penis caused this!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
