I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
