You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
