I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
soo... how was my night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
