I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
