my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
