1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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