A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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