Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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