butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
