Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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