Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
