Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
