OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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