I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
