can we get nightvision for the apartment?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
